Several years ago, I started dating my best friend. At the time, it made perfect sense. We were inseparable, we had so much in common, we were extremely close, and when we realized we had feelings for each other that surpassed being just friends, it seemed almost silly not to date each other. Especially since we were both single and had been single for a while — a factor that we didn't take into consideration as something that was weighing heavily on our decision.
Needless to say, it didn't work out.
And, in the process, we lost each other. Now our contact is limited to happy birthday s. While dating your best friend or making a relationship out of a friends with benefits situation always works out in the movies, in real life, it's a different story.
In theory, it seems like the best idea ever but, in theory, lots of disasters seem like the best idea ever. Even if dating your best friend does work out in real life, it's still not without its complications.
So before you go down that road, here are seven things to consider — seven things that all point in the direction that dating your best friend is a bad idea. As much as we may not want to admit to it, sex can change everything.
Once you've seen someone in such an intimate situation, like sex, you never see them quite the same way again. It's because of this that dating your best friend is such a risk.
While dating and allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone else is always a risk, when it's your best friend you have more to lose, far more is at a stake than just the romantic relationship. You're basically putting all your bets on the table when you date your best friend and when you do that, it's hard to walk away with everything you started out with when you walked into the room in the first place; it's one hell of a gamble.
That's also why friends with benefits rarely go back to being just friends. If you've ever broken up with a friendyou know it's just as painful — if not more so — than breaking up with a partner. Now think about losing your partner and you best friend forever because you the two of you decided to give a relationship a try.
Isn't the thought alone painful enough? It's definitely not a loss many people would want to risk experiencing, because it's double the pain. While in the moment you might be able to convince yourselves that you're making the right decision and it's going to work out, it's important to weigh the pros and cons, and weigh them realistically.
Even if you are a natural risk taker, is dating best friend a risk worth taking?
7 reasons you shouldn't date your best friend
Are you willing to, literally, lose it all? No matter what your physical chemistry might be sayingit's important to step outside the scenario and see it clearly. Once you sleep with your best friend, you're heading down a road with no U-turn. It's far easier to spot red flags early on in a relationship with someone who isn't your best friend.
With our best friends, we tend to make allowances for them and let them get away with things that, no way in hell, we'd let others get away with when it comes to dating us. Because of this, you won't see the glaring red flags.
5 things to know before dating your best friend
While you might be able to dismiss this by telling yourself that you know everything you need to know about your best friend now partner, there's a distinction that needs to be made: being just friends and dating someone reveals different sides of people. You may know your best friend like the back of your hand, but you don't know what it's like to date your best friend. When I first started sleeping with my best friend, before we "officially" started dating, my therapist would tell me over and over again that you're not supposed to know what your best friend looks like or sounds like when they orgasm.
She definitely had a point there. Also, the flip side of that is that you may not want the person you're dating best friend to know the details your best friend knows. They know who you may have had an affair with.
They know all your deepest, darkest secrets. This is a tough premise on which to build a romance. I mean, does anyone want to start a relationship already knowing everything there is to know about their partner?
Wouldn't a little mystery do a new relationship good? Granted, you'll get to see another side of your best friend, like how they are as a partner, but there's still so much that's already been discovered and it's that fact that's worth considering. I'm currently in a non-relationship with a friend, who's technically a friend with benefits with whom I've fallen in love.
Like that isn't a disaster waiting to happen or anything. But, in addition to knowing that we've created one hell of a mess, I also know that our compatibility as partners versus our compatibility as friends are in completely different stratospheres. For the most part, he is not the type of person I would ever want to seriously date and I'm pretty sure he'd say the same thing about me — despite the mass amount of sexual chemistry between the two of us. However, sometimes when you start dating your best friend, you assume the friendship compatibility will automatically cross over to the partner compatibility, dating best friend that's not always the case — if ever the case.
Basically, you think you're getting the real deal, but you just might be getting what your best friend wants you to see in the moment. The problem with that is that no one can keep up a charade forever.
When you're dating your best friend, exactly to whom are you supposed to turn when the person you're dating is being a schmuck or giving you a hard time? It's going to be really awkward to confide in your now-partner about all the things you'd confide in a best friend. So now what? Seriously; on whose shoulder do you cry and whose phone do you blow up with texts of complaints and disbelief?
Is dating your best friend a good idea?
Definitely not your best friend, because they're no longer just your best friend! While you may have other friends to whom you can turn, no one is quite like your best friend. That's just basic math. When we find ourselves in too many relationships — friendship, romantic, or otherwise — drama almost always follows.
With drama, comes a whole slew of emotions, especially ones that you may not have felt before you found yourself in such a mess. One of those feelings is jealousy. There is definitely a logic to that," Masini says. There's also the possibility of having created a new pattern of turning best friends into partners. As Masini points out, once "you take a dip in the best friend pond, this may be a one time thing — or the beginning of a pattern.
If you start dating your best friend, remember these 6 important things
If the latter is the case, then you need to figure out how you're going to keep the status quo with your new best friend and let your partner know they don't need to worry. While there is a chance that you can live happily ever after, it's just a chance and some chances aren't worth taking.
By Amanda Chatel.
Updated: June 4, Originally Published: March 23, This post was originally published on March 23, It was updated on June 4,